Let me start this off by stating that I have tried A LOT of french fries in my life. I would like to say I am a relatively healthy eater, but the more I think about how often I eat this cherished, golden, little spud-nugget, the more I realize that the term “healthy eater,” might not apply to me. Let me also preface this ongoing fry adventure (can i use the term “fryventure” from now on?) that I also go to the gym quite a few times a week, so have no fear… my curvy french fry figure should stay healthy and in top shape!

I guess the next part of this initial post should be about the RULES! With the help of some friends, I have come up with a way to judge these glorious root veggies. The criteria is as follows:

• Aroma
• Texture (I like a good crunch, the higher the score, the crunchier)
• Flavor
• Freshness
• Value
• Wow-Factor
  • All except “wow-factor” will be judged on a 1-10 scale, 1=Possibly the Worst Potato Ever, 10=Spectacular Spud. Wow-factor will be based on whatever vocabulary goes through my mind when I eat the first few fries on the plate.

Each entry will also be accompanied by a thorough written analysis and description. Let it be noted that these fries can be tested from any restaurant, fast-food up to fine dining, from all around the world. I am excited to share some guest entries as well as small entries within my own postings from the folks I share these coveted crunchy chips with. SO… without further adieu, the first stamp on out Potato Passport:

The Ivy Tavern in Providence, Rhode Island

Garlic Fries – $6.95

• Aroma – 9
• Texture – 8.5
• Flavor – 9
• Freshness – 7
• Value – 8
• Wow-Factor – FUCK ME UP

 

Okay, so let me explain this one. I started this blog with what is possibly my favorite french fry in my life right now. Since I was introduced to The Ivy Tavern about a month ago, I have gone AT LEAST 5 times. These fries are insane. Word of warning, if you aren’t a garlic fan… leave. Like just stop reading this blog. Garlic fries are my second passion in life next to tacos.

Anyways, back to the topic at hand. You can smell these fries from a mile away. I can literally tell they are coming before the waiter(es) even leaves the kitchen. They smell like straight up garlic, olive oil, and parsley heaven. I can see them across the room. When my eyes meet that mound of sizzling deliciousness, everything else in the world disappears. They are my soulmate. Okay, so once they hit the table, just dig in. They are the PERFECT temperature EVERY SINGLE TIME. And the crunch… I shit-you-not, I brought these fries home in a Styrofoam box, soaking in their own oil for an hour, and they were still just as crunchy!!! It seems hard to believe, but I guess you just have to try them for yourself. After I get over the fact that they are the perfect texture, I finally focus on the flavor and here it comes…”fuck me up!” They are the perfect blend of starchy, oily, garlicky, herby beauty. The crazy thing is… they barely have any salt. I LOVE salt, so for me to say that these are #1 on my list right now and they are barely salted is almost impossible. I don’t even add salt to them. Honestly, it would ruin whatever controlled magic this chef has created. Freshness gets docked a few points solely for the fact that I don’t think they hand cut these fries themselves. I am pretty sure they are frozen and then fried and topped. The garlic and herbs are extremely fresh, so that makes up for it. If anyone can confirm or deny whether they are cut in-house, I will GLADLY add more points to them for being house-made. I can never finish these fries on my own. They are usually split between 2-4 people, so I would say for less than $7, that is a steal!

“Hanna, you basically just wrote a soft-porn about these french fries. Why aren’t you giving them perfect tens across the board?” you may ask. Well folks, I like to believe that there is still that one perfect potato worth traveling the world for… and as much as I would like to give The Ivy Tavern that title right now, I need to keep searching until I am positive about my decisions. Up and onward my friends.

I hope some of my readers can make the little venture out to try these fries! Comment if you do! I will also gladly accept suggestions for future fries to try! Stay salty, folks!

 

• Thank you to the ladies at PVDonuts for introducing me to these beauties.
• Thank you to Jordan, Matt, Dad, Maxx and anyone else who has had the experience of sharing these fries with me.